Some days it has been hard to get out of bed and start the day...sometimes I have to just get from one hour to the next...one meal to the next, one blood sugar reading to the next. When your child has diabetes, you never get a day off ...you have to be very scheduled and organized....every day I realize more and more how desperate I am for the wisdom and grace of my heavenly Father! I HATE this disease!! It doesn't seem fair for a sweet little seven year old boy! I took him to school Monday....a day that was very hard for me. It was hard enough to drop him off at a small private school for the last two years with his life threatening food allergies...knowing that one bite could kill him. Monday, I dropped him off with the same life threatening food allergies and a new life threatening disease at a school with 599 other kids! I take it one day at a time....OVERWHELMED with emotion and fear!!
I know all the bible verses and all the "answers", but grief is something that washes over you....crashing in and out of your being like a tsunami....you can't go around it...you have to go right through the middle of it. You feel it has swallowed you some days and other days, you can lift your head up above the water...for a while. But grief is strange, you never know when it will wash over you next and leave you gasping for air. I don't cry a lot, but Sunday afternoon, it hit me hard...the grieving. I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor with the dishtowel in my hand and cried and cried and cried..... and then I got up and made the decision, like I do everyday....to keep going...to take one day at a time...one step at a time and TRUST THE GOD I KNOW IS GOOD EVEN WHEN I DO NOT UNDERSTAND...to CHOOSE to BELIEVE HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS ...AND LOVES ME AND THOSE I LOVE!
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